


Together, as a family

by CalsBeanieProtection



Category: EastEnders
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:48:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24427525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalsBeanieProtection/pseuds/CalsBeanieProtection
Summary: Ben struggles with the realisation he might never hear the voices of the two people who mean the most to him
Relationships: Ballum - Relationship, Ben & Callum, Ben & Lexi, Lexi & Callum
Comments: 5
Kudos: 67





	Together, as a family

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Zoe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoe/gifts).



> Based on an idea by a wonderful friend💕

It’s been nearly three months since Ben lost his hearing, the operation being pushed back on several occasions. He had a fever, then the surgeon had a family emergency that meant he couldn’t have it, and about a dozen other excuses that Ben couldn’t understand. He thought they were pathetic. 

He was slowly loosing all hope that he’ll hear again. That was of course if the operation even worked.

Ben hasn’t coped, not in the slightest. His father making it clear he’d never accept his new disability. He’d stated it was hard enough finding out he lost part of his hearing when he contracted meningitis as a baby. Phil was rarely supportive of him, and this effected Ben severely. He’d fight daily both mentally and physically with his demons. The little devil in the back of his mind telling him he wasn’t good enough, that he’d never prove he was enough for his father. That he would never proudly carry the Mitchell name. He was always gonna be just Ben. Phil Mitchell’s gay, deaf son. He’d act out, often causing fights he knew he’d never win, drinking in his own self pity. Sometimes he revelled in the pain, welcomed it with open arms and laughed in the faces of his attackers. This soured them, making them more angry and causing them to rain heavier blows down. His family were so used to seeing Ben with a bruised face, half the time they didn’t even bat an eye or question whether he was okay. When he lost his hearing, things changed drastically. People started speaking to him like he was a child, learning his first words and being taught basic English. His mother acted like she cared, and Ben knew deep within that she did, but she was ‘dead’ for half his life, a lie that destroyed Ben in more ways than could be imagined. His walls have caved in around him, causing him to feel disconnected from the world, and as a result he’s lashed out. Hurt the ones closest to him. His daughter. Cal. 

He didn’t mean to hurt them, or push them away, but he didn’t understand what was going on within his own head, let alone expect his boyfriend and eight year old daughter to.

Lexi was wise beyond her years, excelling in all tasks thrown at her. She was a credit to Ben, someone he treasured and protected, as though she was sacred. She began to learn sign for her dad, but Ben would find himself snapping at her, frustrated that his daughter felt the need to do this for him. He didn’t want her to grow up like him, but he wasn’t setting a very good example for her to follow. 

A fear Ben had was messing Lexi up like his dad had him. It played on his mind in loops. He would watch her doing her homework, smiling gently whenever she caught him looking over. Callum often helped, having grown close to the little girl. Dating her dad had its perks.

Callum. Sweet, innocent and caring Callum. Ben wasn’t entirely sure what he had done to deserve such a man in his life, all the bad and evil he’d done being overlooked by his boyfriend.  The good outweighs the bad.  He would say, always choosing to see the best in someone. Ben often wondered what Callum saw in him, and told the older man this regularly. Callum was always quick the the reassurance, promising he loved Ben no matter what, hearing or deaf.

Ben was terrified that one day everyone would get bored of looking after him, that he’d drive them all away. It didn’t stop him being a prat half the time, but the fear was there nonetheless.

Sitting down on the sofa, beer in one hand, his other hand absentmindedly playing with the bottle cap, Ben watched Lexi and Callum on the floor. Both cross legged, deep in conversation about the solar system and planets. Ben couldn’t hear what they were saying, but he noticed Lexi signing a few words, unbeknownst to her she was even doing it. He focused hard on their mouths, but it was hard for him given the fact they were facing away from him, their heads down and buried in books. 

Lexi lifts her hand, imitating a rocket of some sort, her acting causing Callum to laugh, and in turn eliciting laughter from the angel sitting next to him. 

Ben watches, as he feels the frustration build, annoyed he can’t hear what they’re saying, or understand any of their words. His mind wanders, sinking deep into the darkness of his mind where it rests upon the harsh reality that he might never hear his daughter or boyfriends voices again. He might never hear their laughter, or be able to share in the secrets his daughter will eventually have. He might never be able to hear Callum say any vows. Ben shocks himself with that trail of thought, marriage appearing in his mind from nowhere, but he thinks of it anyway. 

If he marries Callum, will he still be deaf? Will he ever hear him say the words I Do? Or will they be signed to him.

Ben can feel his chest tighten, a stinging sensation nipping at his eyes, and he stands hastily from the sofa, his knee connecting with the corner of the coffee table. Sharing a few choice profanity words, Ben limps away to the bedroom, unaware his daughter and boyfriend were watching. 

Sitting on the bed, he tries to regulate his breathing, stop the tears from falling, but it’s no use. They fall freely and he doesn’t have the strength to swat them away. 

He feels Callum, his senses entwined with those of his boyfriend, in sync. Lifting his eyes, they collide with Callum’s who’s face falls. 

“Ben” he can make out Callum’s lips forming his name, as he reaches him in two easy strides. His large frame having it’s advantages. He kneels before Ben, who’s head had now dropped, his eyes resting on his hands as he vigorously rubs at them.

He sees Callum’s fingers go under his chin as he gently lifts his head, so they’re looking at each other. 

“What’s wrong?” He asks, and if Ben could hear him, he knows he’d hear the worry that his words were laced with. 

“Nothing, I’m just being stupid.” He sniffs, using the back of his sleeve to wipe his tears away. 

Callum’s hand moves to behind his head, softly stroking his hair, his fingers tangling in the locks. 

“Tell me.” He encourages. 

“What if I never hear you again? Or Lex?” 

Bens confession knocks Callum for six, it isn’t what he expected his boyfriend to say, but he continues to play with his hair, knowing it provides a comfort to him. 

“What if the last memory I have of her voice, I forget. I might never hear her laugh again, or tell me she loves me. I mean yeah, she can sign it, but I wanna be able to hear it. I want to hear all about her days at school, the boys she thinks she’s gonna be bringing home.” This sentence elicits a laugh from Callum, Ben feeling the vibrations through the hand he has placed on his chest. 

“All those times I shouted at her, told her to turn that iPad down, or her tv, or to stop shouting. I would give anything to be able to hear her voice again. I might never hear another word for the rest of my life. 

“What if I never hear you again? Say your vows or you love me? I might never hear you whisper those words in my ear all the times we used to drive and watch the sunset together, and forget everything. All I hear is ringing, and scratching. What if I’m deaf for the rest of my life?” Ben’s voice breaks on his final sentence, and a river flows freely from his eyes, the tears falling so rapidly they’re already creating an ocean on his chin.

“Ben, look at me. We will get through it. Hopefully the operation will work, but I will love you, no matter what.”

Ben catches the words, given the fact he speaks them clearly.

“How can you?”

“Because I fell in love with you, all your imperfections. Hearing or deaf Ben.” He leans forward to place a light kiss upon his lips, lingering there for a few short seconds. 

Ben sniffs, his eyes look behind Callum, before he notices Lexi standing in the door.

_ Are you okay, daddy?  _ She signs to him. 

Callum moves aside a little, not completely away from Ben, but enough for Lexi to squeeze her small frame through.

“Yeah, darling. Daddy is just a little sad that’s all. I’ll be fine.” He reassures his daughter, pushing the stray hairs that have fell over her eyes away. 

“I think it’s time for your bed, don’t you think? Why don’t you go and brush your teeth and we will come read you a story yeah?”

She climbs off his knee, and looks at her dad. Nodding. 

“You will be okay daddy, you’ve got us,” she replies, pointing between her and Callum. 

Ben smiles immediately before pulling her into a tight squeeze, pressing his face into her hair, and earning a giggle in return. 

“Okay, off you go, we will be in soon.”

He watches as his daughter leaves, blowing a kiss at the door that he catches and puts in his pocket. He looks round at Callum, who hasn’t stop the gently rubbing of his hair.

“Together. Me, you and Lex, yeah?” He says, leaning his forehead against Ben’s who nods his reply, before wrapping his arms around him tightly, holding on like his life depended on it.

Ben was more reassured than he knew possible, Callum offering an instant calm to his wandering thoughts, providing hope and love with just his presence and for once, Ben allowed himself believe everything would be okay. They would deal with it together, as a family, as one.

Whatever the storm, they’ll weather it together. 


End file.
